50 questions to ask your grandparents about their life

Grandparents carry two things nobody else has: their own story, and the last first-hand memories of the people before them. Ask your grandmother about her grandmother and you’re reaching back a hundred years or more, to names and places that exist nowhere else. Once those memories are gone, no archive can bring them back.

The questions below are for that conversation. They lean on what’s special about your grandparents’ stories: the world they grew up in, the family history only they can remember, and what your own parent was like as a child. Ask a few at a time, follow whatever comes up, and write down the answers while you can still ask a follow-up.

The short version

• Ask about things, not “your life”. A kitchen, a street, a first job. Small questions get real stories.
• Ask about the people before them. Names, places and stories of great-grandparents disappear first.
• Ask about your parent as a child. Nobody else can tell you those stories.
• Record it, with permission. You’ll want their exact words and their voice.
• Keep sessions short. Twenty or thirty minutes, then come back another day.

The world they grew up in

1. What did your street look like when you were small? What could you hear from the house?
2. What was in your kitchen, and who did the cooking?
3. How did your family keep warm in winter and cool in summer?
4. What did a loaf of bread, a bus ticket or a cinema seat cost back then?
5. What did you do for fun when there was no money for fun?
6. How did news reach your house? A newspaper, the radio, a neighbour?
7. What was the first time you saw a television, a telephone or a computer?
8. What did children get in trouble for in your day?
9. What was your school like, and how did you get there?
10. What’s something everyone did when you were young that nobody does now?

These questions work because they’re concrete. “What was life like back then?” invites a sigh and a summary. “What was in your kitchen?” invites a stove, a smell and the person standing at it.

Their parents and grandparents

11. What were your parents’ full names, and where were they born?
12. What did your father and mother do for work?
13. Which of your grandparents did you know, and what were they like?
14. Do you know where the family lived before that, and why they moved?
15. Is there a family story that’s been told so many times it might not be true?
16. Who in the family were you closest to growing up, and why?
17. Were there relatives nobody talked about? What happened?
18. Did the family name ever change, or get spelled differently?
19. Who in the family was known for something: the cook, the joker, the one with the temper?
20. What did your parents hope you’d become?

Write names down as they say them, and ask how to spell them. A great-grandmother remembered only as “Nana from the farm” is hard to find again. “Margaret Doyle, born near Cork, moved to Boston around 1910” is a thread someone can follow.

Work, love and leaving home

21. What was your first job, and what did you earn?
22. When did you leave home, and what did you take with you?
23. How did you meet Grandma or Grandpa? Who noticed whom first?
24. What did you do on your first date, if you can remember?
25. What was your wedding day like, and what went wrong?
26. Where was your first home together, and what was in it?
27. What job are you proudest of, and which one would you rather forget?
28. Was there a time money was really tight? How did you manage?
29. Did you ever think about living somewhere completely different?
30. What did you have to learn the hard way as a young adult?

Raising a family (and what your parent was like)

31. What do you remember about the day my mother or father was born?
32. What was my parent like as a little kid?
33. What did my parent get in trouble for?
34. What was the hardest part of raising children in those years?
35. What family tradition did you start yourselves?
36. What did a normal Sunday look like in your house?
37. Which of your children’s friends do you still remember, and why?
38. What do you think you got right as a parent, and what would you change?

This is the section people most often wish they’d asked. Your parent’s childhood is a story your grandparents witnessed and your parent barely remembers. It’s also a gift you can bring home: “Grandma told me you ran away to the end of the garden with a suitcase full of biscuits” is the kind of thing a family repeats for decades.

Big events and turning points

39. What big news do you remember hearing, and where were you when you heard it?
40. Did any war, illness, strike or disaster change your family’s life?
41. Was there a moment your life could have gone a completely different way?
42. What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever done?
43. What’s changed in the world that you’re glad about, and what do you miss?

Go gently here. Some of these questions touch real loss. If an answer gets short or quiet, let it be, and move to something lighter. You can always come back another day, or not at all.

Traditions, recipes and keepsakes

44. Which family recipe should never be lost? Can you show me how you make it?
45. Is there an object in this house with a story behind it?
46. What songs did your family sing, or what music was always playing?
47. How did your family celebrate birthdays and holidays when you were young?

Recipes and objects are some of the best prompts there are. Cooking a dish together, or holding a photograph, a medal or a cracked teapot, often brings out stories that a direct question never would.

Looking back

48. What do you know now that you wish you’d known at my age?
49. What do you hope our family remembers about you?
50. Is there a story you’ve never told anyone that you’d like to tell now?

How to ask, so the answers come

Start with the easy ones

Begin with places and things, not feelings. Once they’re talking about the street they grew up on, the bigger stories tend to arrive on their own.

Follow the thread, not the list

The best question is usually the one their last answer suggests. If your grandfather mentions a dog called Sixpence, the next question isn’t number 22. It’s “Tell me about Sixpence.”

Bring props

Old photos, a map of their hometown, a recipe card, a piece of music from when they were young. Ask: “What was happening just before this photo was taken?”

Mind the practical things

Sit somewhere quiet, with the TV off. If their hearing isn’t what it was, sit close and on their better side. Keep it to twenty or thirty minutes; tired people give short answers. And if they live far away, a weekly phone call with one question in it works beautifully, and gives you both something to look forward to.

Record it, with their permission

Ask before you record, and keep the recording. Their voice is part of the story. Our guide to interviewing a parent about their life covers recording, transcribing and turning the answers into something the family can read.

Keeping the answers

A box of recordings nobody listens to isn’t much better than no recordings at all. After each conversation:

• Label the file with the date and what you talked about.
• Write down names, places and dates while they’re fresh, with spellings.
• Note what they didn’t know, so you can ask a great-aunt or a cousin later.
• Turn the best answers into short stories, in their words as much as possible.
• Share them back. Grandparents often remember more when they read what they told you.

If you’d like to go further, our list of 60 life story questions covers a whole life, from earliest memories to lessons learned, and works just as well for a grandparent.

If they’d rather tell it themselves

Some grandparents are happier telling their story at their own pace than being interviewed. Ever Journal was made for that. Eve, its AI biographer, starts from the basics, drafts a first chapter straight away and then asks one question at a time about the biggest gap in the story. She writes only from what she’s told, and marks what she doesn’t know instead of inventing it.

If your grandparent is comfortable on a computer, help them sign up and answer the first few questions together. The story stays private to their account, and they can download all of it whenever they like.